the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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