Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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