He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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