i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
