It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
