Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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