Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So much rum. So many feels.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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