playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
