He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
