While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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