It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
