i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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