Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
