I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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