Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
