I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
