my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
