There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I bet he comes in French.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
