I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just gargled with NyQuil
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
