just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
