I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
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