what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
