you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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