I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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