Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
