I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
