I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
