You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
try to milk me bitch
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
