I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
