i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
