dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
