Apparently you make a good broom.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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