Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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