i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's Friday. Sex?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
