We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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