apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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