you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
40s are totally the cure
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
