i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
