you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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