office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
