Why are handjobs necessary in class?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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