he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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