Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
