so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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