Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
