I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
