they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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