Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
