After last night, I could never be a politician.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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