peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
