I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
